Originally, I had a post about half-done, about my views on world government and the world currency situation. However, while I was researching everything I could about this, something came up that caused me to not put up that one post, and it is a religious reason – apparently, uniting the world in one government will cause the Apocalypse or Armageddon (not the movie) according to prophecy. Once I thought about it for a bit, that actually made sense as to why the United Nations is set up to be this incompetent power in the world, and why the League of Nations failed in the first place.

My understanding of why humanity is so messed up got better just from that revelation.

Anyway… moving on.

Lately, I have been a complete insomniac. My life right now consists of:

  • Get up from bed
  • Apply for work
  • Eat
  • Apply for more work
  • Play a game to try to entertain myself
  • Hope someone calls
  • Sleep
  • Repeat

I do not know if you know this or not, but I have been unemployed since June of 2009. When I was let go from a very familiar multinational company, I was devastated. In fact, I think I might still be. Lately, especially over the past few days, I have had extreme bouts of insomnia and today I have a numbness that I can not entirely explain. Panic attacks, maybe, or the fear of panic attacks.

My unemployment runs out soon. Am I panicking? Yes.

Am I depressed? Meh, probably.

I do not think I am going to whine about it incessantly here, though. Instead, I am going to dance with myself. If I had a chance, I’d ask the world to dance, ’til then I’ll be dancing with myself. I mean, what good is that? I am not a little whiny emo punk or anything. I think, though, instead of writing about my angst and despair, because all that will do is get you to feel sorry for me and I really do not want it…

…because this is not me.

I think I will just share some other things with you instead.

The decade ended over two weeks ago. Ten years ago, I was in my junior year of high school (11th grade), and I was starting my life down the path that would lead me to where I am today. Yeah, I did one little choice that changed me from who I was to who I am today, and it has affected every facet of my life from then on: I started to date a woman that lasted a six year stretch and ended up with two children and the place I am today. I do not regret any choice, nor do I wish it to all go away, and I would do it all over again, if given the option.

The weird thing is that everything did come full circle – I started the 21st century without a job, without too much direction in life, and addicted to the computer. Details are the only thing that has changed from then until now. I would argue that I look very similar in between then and now, except I can actually grow facial hair and lost a lot of the boyish stuff in my facial features. Oh, and I gained about forty pounds. Can not forget that one.

Am I in the place that I wanted to be? No. Life turns in odd and unexpected ways for everyone, and I am no exception to this whatsoever.

One thing that I am proud to say is that I am still seeking understanding of the world around me. It might not be as detailed or as involved as people getting into world politics, but I like to generalize. I might dabble one day in world politics, but the next day is more about the behavior of males and females, or the influence of certain factors against individuals, or my own mind. Metaphysics the next day.

What Soylent Green is made of the next day.

Life is what I make of it. I just wish there was not this incessant need to get a job that I have to fuel in order to even live life. I must admit, though, it was incredibly rewarding to work for a living, because it felt like I was contributing something to the world… but only contributing a poorly-written blog post every couple of days I guess will have to do for now.

I think this post has wandered in weird ways. I apologize for that, but this is how my mind thinks lately. It jumps from one subject to another very easily, and I guess that does not really make sense. It is like throwing a playlist on your music player on random with a list that covers multiple genres of music or something… which is something I do anyway. I like listening to The Who, Bif Naked and U2 within a span of ten minutes (and yes, all three of those are on my playlist). My mind threads things together in its own way, and I point out similarities in each of those music styles in my head, and I hum along or tap my feet at all the songs.

Ah well.

I think I am done here.